You Had Sex Salad!

I'm still wearing last night, all of it. The lipstick, the eyeliner, and the hair are an absolute mess just so you know. I know that a couple of ibuprofen and a shower could severely change my life right now but I have to tell you this story from the other night.

Last night is still too new to talk about, and I’ve got to digest some of it before I can do anything else with it.

Two nights ago I was invited to a friends’ house for dinner and some recreational activity. I love these girls and I think they're great so I was super excited to hang out with them.

I walked in and Friend #2 says "we're having Italian night, some pasta with sauce” which friend #1 was in the process of making. Then she says "we're also having a little pizza"

I feel like I did a really good job of maintaining my portions, but I had also hit the gym that morning before work and then gone to a rough session of Hot Yoga. At this point I was ravenous; I hadn't really eaten because I was pretty busy all day. There were two other reasons I didn't eat very much, first one was that I knew I was going to have dinner with them and I had no idea what they were going to cook.

It’s hard for me to be social and live the life that I have adapted to. It’s also hard to eat with other people; I don't want to offend anyone ever with what they cook for me. Especially if I go to their home, I don’t ever want to seem ungrateful or unappreciative. It’s okay for me to eat things that are not always the best for me. I have to remind myself that it’s only a little bit, and its fine, don't freak out about it. I try not to overindulge anymore and I just can't eat like I used to. My stomach can't even hold that much anymore. I have to be really careful when I drink also. Drinking is my gateway to a relapse in my fatty place. We could call it an addiction, but that is too serious for me and I don't want to think about it too much. Anyways, when I drink I get so hungry for shitty food. Any shitty foods, chicken strips with ranch dressing, french fries, pizza. I think I've eaten a hamburger that belonged to someone else while I was drunk. No, really I found it in the fridge and heated it up.
Anyways, the other reason was that I knew we were going to smoke and I knew that I would have the munchies afterward
Friend #2 made a comment during dinner that stuck with me. No one actually said we were going to smoke, but it didn't need to be said. We knew. Friend #2 asked Friend #1 "Can you bring me another piece of pizza? I just want to be really full."
I thought about this for a second, if I were really full would that take away from the wanting to eat afterward. Could I kill the munchies before they hit? So I decided to try it, Friend #1 came back with the rest of the pizza and she looked at me and said "do you want another piece?" Of course I did, I ate it and it was delicious. We laughed, we ate, we drank and then Friend #2 puts her hands on the arms of her chair and says "Let's smoke!"
We headed to the living room and started smoking. We talked about all kinds of stuff, food, sex, work. The food and sex was me, I don't know why but I always combine the two.
Friend #2 started talking about the wedding they were going to the next night. She was really excited to get away, to stay at a hotel, to dance and drink. Then she started talking about what she hoped they ate. She said "I hope we have Aphrodisiac Salad!" I asked her what it was. She said "It was a salad we had on Valentine's Day. It had fruits, and seeds and flowers. It was good. I don't know, it was called aphrodisiac salad." I said "well an aphrodisiac is supposed to make people want to have sex, or make them feel sexy. Did you have sex?" She said well, yeah but the salad was good." I said "well did it make you feel sexy?" She said, "Not really but it was still really good."
In my heightened state of mind I said "So, you had sex salad!"

Everyone turned and looked at me and started laughing. I didn't realize what I had said until after I thought about it for a minute. I said "No, yeah, it was a sex salad."

We all laughed.

And just to let you know I came home and still had the munchies. I should be embarrassed to tell you this next part, but I came home and ate cheese and triscuits; 10 pretzels; and a 100 calorie bag of microwave popcorn. That wasn't enough though. I was still hungry and I was eating mindlessly. I couldn't stop myself I opened the refrigerator and grabbed the parmesan cheese. It was the reduced fat sprinkle kind so the only way I was going to be able to eat it was out of my hand or with a spoon. I had nothing to put it on so I don't really know what I was thinking. I reached for a spoon and I stopped. I got angry, I said out loud "Really, Lea what the fuck are you doing you gluttonous bitch! Is this what you have resorted to? You cannot even control yourself!" I threw the spoon in the sink and put the parmesan cheese away.

I know it’s horrible and I should be ashamed of myself, but its true and one thing I've never been is a liar.

Wish I had had a "Sex Salad".

Love,
Lea/Trixie