Sex Dreams and Corn Flakes

I have a clear head today, its almost too clear. Not that I love being hungover, but some of my best stories happen when I am drunk. If I stop drinking then what am I gonna have to tell the world?

Well, I can tell you lots of things!

For a very long time I felt nothing. I wasn't really happy, I wasn't really sad. To the outside world I probably looked depressed, but I don't think that I was. I became accepting of what my life was. When you're a fatty, you get to a point that you accept that this is your life. This is what I get, and society tells me that I have to make the most of it.

Screw that! It finally hit me one day that I wanted more. I can't tell you about the exact moment that it hit or who it was that made me see it, because its happened multiple times with multiple people. I try to learn something from everyone in my life whether they are vital to me or not. Even if they get sick of me or not, they are people, they are constant and they happen to me everyday.
I've had ample opportunities to change my life in the past and I've tried but somehow I have managed to mess them all up, until about two years ago...

Honestly, my vaginacologist was the one who put me on a diet. He said "you are sick, you probably have diabetes and you're wasting my time and yours if you don't lose weight. Whats it gonna be? I can put you on a medication right now if you want?"

My vaginacologist is a Prick, but I have the up most admiration for all Pricks.

I just looked at him and said "all right, tell me what to do, and I'll do it." He gave me a piece of paper that had the food exchanges listed for a 1,500 calorie diet.
After that I went home and I cried, yes I cried not because he was a total prick to me, but because he was right.

I knew it, too. I was wasting my time and trying to fill in the nothing I felt with everything else, Food, work, alcohol, drugs, girls, boys...anything.

Anything to make me feel something.
Attractive is something I've never really felt, put it at the top of the list along with
Desirable
Sexy
Hot
Wanted
Fuckable

I get words like:
Cute
Cuddly
Squishy
Hug-able
Chubby Cheeks, yes a lot of people still call me chubby cheeks
-These words describe a teddy bear, I am not a fucking teddy bear.

The first list is what I wanted, lets be real people. We want the Madonna and the Whore. I was exhausted of being a good girl, and just making do with what I had. That's not me and I don't think I can go back.
We should all lose weight because its good for your health, and you want a long and healthy life, but I'd be lying if I said that was the only reason.

You know me, I'm not a liar...and neither are you.

We all want to be desired, and wanted, we want to be wanted by someone else. The trick is that you have to want yourself first.
I remember being at my old job with a friend and I don't know what we were talking about, but I remember saying to him "we have to make me into something that somebody wants someday!" He looked at me and laughed. It's the truth, I wanted to be something that somebody would eventually want someday. I didn't want what I had, so I figured if I turned it into something that someone else would want, then eventually I'd want it too. The health stuff that comes along with losing weight is all a bonus baby!

Guess what? It works, I eventually felt better, and I looked better too. I'm not trying to toot my own horn, but you all saw me. I was a beast! And I can say that now and laugh about it. I felt content for a bit with trying to make others happy, but not all of them appreciated me, so I had to stop giving them everything. I wanted to feel anything so bad that I took whatever I could get, even if it meant doing ridiculous things like cutting up apples for people every single fucking day. I was addicted to that shit like a drug.
Its like you feel nothing, nothing, nothing and then one day it clicks. The apparent Sex Goddess in me woke up. It just all happened to coincide with a conversation about sex dreams and corn flakes on Facebook.
My dear friend Esperanza made a comment on Facebook about how eating corn flakes before bed gave her naughty sex dreams. Other people commented on it, and one person even commented how Corn Flakes were created to deter people from masturbating or thinking of anything sexual. The inventors of Corn Flakes thought that if you followed a bland boring diet you would not have any desire to have any kind of sexual desires.
They......are so wrong.
I made a joke to Esperanza about how I was going to eat more corn flakes! I did. I don't even really like corn flakes, but my roomie does and she had a giant box of them on our refrigerator, so I got into them one day. I hardly ever really sleep let alone sleep enough to have an amazing sex dream. They only happen once in a great while and I wake up feeling very confused. It took about a week of me eating corn flakes constantly because I was curious if I could even have a sex dream that I finally had one.

It was awesome, and totally rocked my world. Everyone who I have talked to about this wants the details, so I'm finally ready to give it up. It was a very hot boy, and its not who you think it is either, so forget about that. The interesting part is that it was a combination of people in my life past and present. It was the physical body of one person and the voice talking to me of the other.
It was raw, I had my hands wrapped around things that I wouldn't normally go for. I'm forward but I've never been that forward. I was putting things into places that I normally don't initiate going towards. And I was just taking it like it was my job. In my dream it was so good, I went back for seconds!

I woke up from that dream breathless, and disoriented.
I woke up from that dream alive, and excited.
I got up and I went to the bathroom because it was so good I thought had wet myself, but I hadn't wet myself. My world got rocked so hard that I had started my period. I wasn't upset, I was more excited to get it over with so that I could see what happens next...

Hows that for feeling alive...
I had a bottle of bubbly later that day with my roomie for Valentines day, and when she asked me why I was in such a good mood I told her all about it.
We had a toast to:
Sex Dreams and Corn Flakes.

Love Lea/Trixie